GARY PIG: Editor
CINDY PIG: Help!
NO-ONE: Chief Columnist
krissy: more help!
KAUPHYN NAILS: Pigossip
Columnist (Cat State
MICK CLINTROCK: Pig's
Own Jimmy 01 sen
JOHNNY WONDERFUL: Boy
BELINDA JOHNSTON: Staph
GARY SPERRAZZA?: Guest
and Thanks To Everybody
Else except Jason,
COPYRIGHT© JANUARY i98l\
BY PIG PRODUCTIONS.
P.O.Box 2700, Huntington
Beach, California 92647
MR. PIG, JUST EXACTLY WHAT IS A PIG PAPER?
It's exactly a new publication from
Huntington Beach, California about all things
pop, sort of.
A "NEW" PUBLICATION? BUT IT SAYS NUMBER "14" ON
Well, yes, there exists thirteen previous
issues north of the border - everthing from a
issue or two to the FIRST post-pistols Johnny
Rotten/Lydon interview to a Dave Clark Five
edition to a "greatest hits"
Pranotional-compilation-PIG magazine - but I
prefer not to discuss those.
SO WHY HAS THE PIG PAPER CHOSEN TO RETURN HERE
Here because it beats Toronto, and Now
because it's 1982 (finally).
THUMBING THROUGH PIG PAPER 14, I CAN'T HELP BUT
NOTICE THAT YOU'RE NOT
YOUR AVERAGE ROCK MAGAZINE.
Nor your's, either.
HOW DOES ONE GO ABOUT COMPILING AND PRODUCING A
First, "one" rounds up a half-dozen-or-so
fellow " jornalists" by combing local record
bars and Dick Dale (patron PIG saint) concerts,
acquiring lots of pens, notebooks, and
double-sided tape, tuning in KLON, staying up
til 5am for a week, then finding a photocopier
"one" can use after dark for free.
WILL THERE BE MORE PIG PAPERS FORTHCOMING?
The More the Merrier, I always say. How many
and how often depends on how many of our
readers actually take the iniative and submit
their own stories, pictures, recordings, and
ideas for publication, and how often they do
AND WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU HOPE TO ACHIEVE BY ALL
Pig Paper 15.
! ** » -
we /raw? youx %
£ applaud yon. e4$rff3»
P/edSe yp k&p iU spirit'
Deot PW *«<»'• ... ,, „ you a nd your «» d J'"' t ",' numbre
BIU MUler. M£N )
(base player THE bN
David Levy's been a friend
for a while and when I found out
he was putting on another
BAUHAUS BRAWL, I thought I might
as well drop by see what kind of
merriment (mayhem-ED.) ensued.
The first generation flyers
had the line up something like
this: MODERN GOLF, VEINS,
BLADES, and THE CROWD, but the
actual show held a surprise or
two. . .
After passing the site and
almost ending- up in Reno (Buena
Park, same thing -ED.), we
pulled into the Brookhurst
Elementary School playground (a
nice enough place for a show).
Drove until we started running
over broken beer bottles and
parked. Inside was fantastic( ! ) ,
perfect size... there were a few
benches on the sides, a
whole-lot of dance space, and
the stage was aprox. 5 ft. above
the floor. Consequently view was
no problem: there was even a
MODERN GOLF played, but I
didn f t notice (hence,
no-comment). I was too busy
getting pissed... but the name
should speak for itself.
After the lights came back up
and with them the night's
bevvies (almost), we were
treated to a witty half-hour
wait, during which I took a look
at the people around me...
(present company excepted)...
GAWD... I mean we all know punk
was dead so fast it was almost
still-born, but maybe we all
hung around for awhile to stare
at the corpse. So I was curious
as to who these "new punks"
were/are. I still don't know WHO
they are, but I CAN tell you
they wear ALOT of black, CRASS
and PiL emblems, still-short
hair, Swastikas( ! ) , and some
-get this- moustaches (Not many,
but - enough to make this reporter
promptly lose his pink
squirrel). It seems that most of
these kid-people would've been
into disco when it was around if
they hadn't been to afraid. Lots
of would-be Marines too.. . . .
The lights dimmed again as
the VEINS started crashing. Not
incredible, but good. And I have
seen MUCH worse. THEN EXPLODING
OUT OF NO-WHERE CAME AN
INCREDIBLE ONE-HALF HOUR
WAIT/BREAK/PAUSE whilst the next
band preened themselves behind
the curtain. WAIT! These aren't
The Blades! What _is this? Some
her stance and bellows, in her
own inimatable (on this side of
the Atlantic, anyways...) style,
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! PLEASE, A
WARM HARD-CORE WELCOME FOR...
THE PSYCHTONES ! ! ! "
Stranglerishish bass. Tribal
drums! Cavalcading guitar. AND,
best of all, the Singer: a
too-tall non-descript kid; a
wanna-be prep wielding "numb
chucks" ..."pnum chux". . . "dump
trucks"... you know- sticks with
chains a la "My Name Called
Bluce" Lee. IN-FUCKING-CREDIBLE!
Almost hits the guitar player.
Manages to pop himself on the
crust. Sings like a deaf
leppard, Punk for a day. Very
in-lightening. TOO MUCH! (to say
the least) "The Psychtones":
remember, You Saw It First In
Now came THE BLADES. Nice
guys, good songs, klean-kut
kids, pod-munks... allright
stuff... Really. Almost fresh,
they reminded this
perpetually-pissed 1 n f puzzled
reporter of SALVATION ARMY, who
are also a good band (send more
tapes, guys! -ED). THE BLADES
sharpened the show for my money,
MAAAAANNNN. People actually
tried to dance:
slamming as their elder brothers
and sisters put up their feet
and watched. Great set.
Now comes THE CROWD. I dunno,
they need a shot of rhythm and
screws or something... I mean,
individually everyone is good.,
especially Jay, and whatshisface
the drummer. Weren't THE CROWD
once? I was to olivered to
remember, and everyone else in
attendance was too busy
crumb-nucking each other with
the Security (HA!) Crew, severed
limbs, or whatever else was
Suddenly, "Uh-oh - 11:30!".
Here come the f copters... Time
to: Dash outside, turn on the
car, tune in Wodney, and drop
out of sight and mind. Me? I
bumbed into promoter Levy en
route out. "Wow, what a show,
Dave!" I enthused. "How often
you think I'll get sued next
week?" was his only reply. See
you in small claims court, kids.
NEXT ISSUE: The infamous
David Street Party Scene
(*sigh*), Starring Our Pals Mark
And Andy. ...
For a Dance
For a Party . y0 ccassion!
or tor mi '7 »„»«>«•»
Call r „
„ THE LOVED OWES
IRONY By ci^iy. Pig,
this being My Own °Li° b ? , mea "- but
seeing as I L W ? s Pec,al Month,
like to say Z' bv it!" *■' ' Would
said month, elLrfJ, m ' ddle °f
»M have arisen J " OW Co P"cornJ
itself and others A 1T- P °'° nd *™
f°stic BertroZ ,^ ' n J °™ier,
foes his froggy ££° '** ^dj
the musical Joneses b ° t keep U P ""h
romantic for about ,V turnin 9 new
before discover™* &7%IT**
too much trouble t„? s > ust
hisjurngs- 3££L££?eP Voiding
'•"- ts -
FEBRUARY 1982: A/as, we no longer
have the long-haired bald-headed
triple-guitar threat of April Wino
to contend with. Soon after the
release of "The Revenge Of The Wine
Queen Of Ixtopia", all sixteen -
count' em! - members of this
inimitable pop combo were crushed to
death by a falling business man
outside the World Trade .Center. In
New York Citv.
Johnny Wonder ful*s
(Elvis 1 68th Birthday it was, as we parked the trusty pigmobi/e outside the
Wonderful residence. The last rays of day struggled through Johnny's levelor blinds
as Mr. Wonderful Himself is made to comment on music in general - by no means a
slight task. We join this one-sided discussion already in progress)
Popular Music Today is disco (don't capitalize that "D", boys), and Olivia
Newt on- John is still scoring #1's. THAT'S pop(ular) music. Meanwhile, bands like
Styx, a VERY dead issue, are lining their Malibu coke dens with
polyplatinum-disc-awards. WHY? Simple: such bands say nothing, do nothing new, go
nowhere, and neither de-, re-, or pro-gress. They are essentially Faceless. A
perfect product for today's going-bankrupt-boys-so-let ' s-play-it-safe music
industry . Thanks to the record companies and raydidio programmers who dictate the
tastes of 95% of America, people accept and support the ilk of Styx, Foreigner, and
MOR Speedwagon. Hopefully, only because their audience has no mind of its own; nor
have they been exposed to anything new or different.
SEPTEMBER 1982: The Annua/ (and
painful) Southern California
Rock'n'Roll Bobsled Races are held
m Dana Point. Kevin "Cake On My
Pants, Baby" Richter of the
Alh"New" Rod Stewart Belly Troupe
takes first prize after Britishly
nppmg his arm off on "dead man's
curve". I lo Ve sports, don't you?
OCTOBER 1982: cancelled this year
due to budget
h eck .
Sev entie s r 82 ™°*e s
sorry me 'on.
The capricious Suzi
NOVEMBER 1982: ornes (for the
Quatro re-re-emerges U studlesS
Holiday Season) m a sh /s
leather jumperette. Qmends
1 desperately W%» on that Hippy
for having appear e on he r
K- zs£ "ifx srss
r, <noo* "I'm Not Nostalgic
Nor Have I Been in ' Box ing
Ever 11 already out of prim.
Day forfeited o^r^sjue °
-•" on the desk..-
} 9 for
itself is a white/black genre. Nowadays, The Police (current hit machine
extrodinaire) dilute all of the above plus reggae and blue-beat. Or take The Stray
Cats (please!), whose "Stray Cat Strut" mimics, note for note, Count Basle* s
immortal "Ride On"; or witness Joan Jett and Billy Idol f s photocopied Tommy James
And The Shondells hits. And Tommy James isn't even black! And in your own backyard,
The Loved Ones combine The Monkees, Dave Clark Five, Beach Boys, Who, themselves,
and everyone else I know that's great. And So It Goes.
I don't know... people say they can't get into the old records because they
aren't perfectly performed or flawlessly recorded, which is caca. All I know is •
that when you're out til three and you wake up with a hangover that makes you
consider suicide as a better-than-most solution, you don't want to hear depressing
songs about lovers' quarrels while you're trying not to upchuck it into the trash
can luckily parked by your bed. You want to hear Louis Jordan doing "What's The Use
In Getting Sober If You're Just Gonna Get Drunk Again". I'll talk more about The
Greats On 78 's later, but in the meantime, ask your grandfather what HE listened to
at 17. Chances are it was the same rhymes 'n' riffs you're listening to today. And
while we're on the subject, don't bother asking the obvious question - "Is there
such a thing as an ORIGINAL pop song" - or I'm liable to answer with "Ziggy
Stardust" by David Bowie!
I succumb to 'the weTghTof Wi " "na,,y
I things wrapped >rn, I J °" lho ^
\ont will be f ne a f° r e- mentioned
I" o compromise "" 9 , re ° Sed u ? °"«
I days will find L,™ The following
^o-prZos't-net n^'" 9 '"'° "*ir
APRIL 1982: no predictions this
MAY 1982: If we thought Public
Image was something for Tom Snyder
(not to mention Dick Clark) to
reckon with, we weren't prepared for
Mr.Lydon's new company/band "The
Useless Minstrels". This
non-touring, non-profit, non-musical
assembly will be accepting limited
donations of bangers'n'mashed to
their favourite charities. In metal
boxes only please.
SUMMER i 8? ,
Vocation except f'^T^* Permanent
"'« Loved On es r£ he "odiously™'
ovonob/e" fountt' h ' S cute yet Y
'Suzanne B^T-LT^ °f
> n °dvertentlx, r- J c f UQr tet
^•ngton Bead £,£ P °^ >"J
What's as much of a crime is so-called "Progressive" music, which is just
another name for non-melodic, technological parrot-dropping. This is a trap that
many seemingly bright kids fall into, and that's quite a sin unto itself.
So much for BAD music. What's GOOD music then? Listen: this is a GREAT
example - Doris Day doing "Lullaby Of Broadway". People call such material
commercial because they remember it from somewhere / sometime, which shows how much
you can trust labels...
There is SO MUCH music out there, I can safely wager, that most of you have
never heard. But I bet you'd recognize the majority of it from throughout your own
record collection because today's pop is without a doubt built upon yesterday's
pre-rock pop of the 20's, 30 's, and 40' s. And yesterday's pop is itself firmly
rooted in earlier a/k/a Black music.
As the Blasters would be the first to admit, "American Music" = "Black"
Music. This is a fact. Consequently, the reason America remains the world's leader
in music is that (this isn't supposed to sound racist) we house so many blacks
within our borders. To draw a handy analogy, Elvis (ie: "That's When Your
Heartaches Begin") comes from The Mills Brothers and Ink Spots (ie: "Either It's
Love Or It Isn't"); Pat Boone, Bill Haley, et al followed Elvis in further
homogenizing black bop 'n' R+B. The Stones and Beatles harken as well back to
rhythm' n' blues, adding a dash of Motown ("the sound of young America") which in
It Was a grey evening. The sun
hod already sank into the Pacific as my
bus deposited me at the door of the
southland's veteran watering hole, The
Drowning Pool. Inside lurked a LIVING
LEGEND who NEVER recorded "Louie Louie"
- need we say more?
JERRY LEE LEWIS
PIG- WELCOME TO ORANGE COUNTY, MR. LEWIS. IT'S AN
HONOR TO MEET YOU.
JLL- I know it is. But listen, son - you can call me
PIG- THANK YOU. HOW ARE YOU FEELING THESE DAYS, MR.
LEW— I MEAN, JERRY... YOU HAD THE WHOLE WORLD
SITTING ON THE EDGE OF ITS SEATS WITH YOUR RECENT
Well, this is a pretty big old world....
AS SERIOUS AN ILLNESS AS THE MEDIA LED
son, ALL illness
"You don't know
is serious. Like I've
got til it's
BACK ON THE
JLL- Did I?
PIG- WAS IT
gone". But... I ain't dead. Yet. Besides,
was after me to lose some weight anyhow.
PIG- AND AMAZINGLY ENOUGH, ALREADY YOU'RE
JLL- Well, it's the only life this broken down piano
picker knows. But I've jumped bigger hurdles than
this and kept on rockin' .
PIG- I SHOULD SAY SO, SIR - UM, JERRY. YOU CERTAINLY
PUT ON QUITE A SHOW TONIGHT.
JLL- TWO shows, boy. I go on again at midnight. I'm a
workin' man! Besides, the liquor comes free. You look
like a scotch-drinkin' man yourself, (suddenly, Jerry
motioned over a bartender and before I knew it, I was
nursing the BIGGEST shot glass I'd ever seen.) What's
the matter? You should be able to down that in a
flash, high pockets!
PIG- I'VE NEVER SEEN A SHOT GLASS I COULDN'T PUT MY
1 — B
- — EBB
— [ jmm
. ' —
JLL- Owner's my cousin. I
got a hell of alot of
PIG- SPEAKING OF COUSINS,
THE BIGGEST THREAT TO
YOUR CAREER SO FAR WOULD
HAD TO HAVE BEEN YOUR
INFAMOUS MARRIAGE TO
ELEVEN- YEAR-OLD COUSIN,
BACK IN 1957.
JLL- Thirteen son,
thirteen. And I don't
take kindly to words like
"infamous". People seem
too quick to judge. Then
And Now. "LET HE WHO IS
JLL- I said, "LET HE WHO
IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE
FIRST STONE". Don't you
read your bible, son?
PIG- (jokingly) I'M
WAITING FOR IT TO COME ON
JLL- (standing up,
sternly) Did I detect a
bit of irreverent humor
there? THAT'S the problem
nowadays: Too many damn
PIG- WELL, I MEANT...
JLL- I know exactly what
you meant. Times ain't
changed much since '57- ••
or the YEAR ONE for that
matter... People always
been kinda devo. What's
that sayin 1 - "Roll With
the flow"? It's that
kind of thinking that
got us where we are
today. And that ain't
PIG- YOU'RE KNOWN AS A
VERY OUTSPOKEN MAN.
JLL- I know where I been,
I know where I am, and I
sure as HELL know where
I'm goin'. Can you say
the same for yourself,
PIG- SURE. I'M GOING BACK
TO U.C.I. IN THE SPRING.
JLL- U.C. What?
JLL- Yeah, I see you
(laughter) and I ain't to
sure I like what I see.
Answer just one question.
JLL- How often you shave?
PIG- PARDON ME?
JLL- Once a week? Twice?
Like I was sayin'- I know
where I'm going. In fact,
somtimes I can see the
end of that big old road
called Life. And I've
seen more forks on that
road than you've ever
seen miles. Ain't that
the truth? But, I've
always stuck to the
right, when everyone else
was runnin' this way and
that, like chickens with
their heads cut off...
Hell, Elvis — One
minute, it's just him and
me, neck'n'neck, goin'
for that rock'n'roll
crown. But "E", he was
never the King in my
books. He came outta the
Army singin' ballads and
makin' movies. And on the
radio there weren't
nothin' but "Bobby n s!
Hell, Bobby Vinton. Bobby
Darin. Bobby Vee. Bobby
Curtola. Bobby Wyman.
Bobby Idol.... Y'know, I
was the only one left
playin' REAL rock'n'roll.
Then AND Now.
Have you seen today's
excuse for these
rockefellers — er,
my candy ass! Before
these pussies was even
hatched, Jerry Lee was
pushin' flaming Steinways
off the Atlantic City
Pier! Exceptin' for
Johnny Wonderful, there
ain't NOBODY that can
come close to me. Ain't
that right? You damn well
can't argue with history.
PIG- I'VE ALWAYS BEEN A
FAN OF YOURS.
JLL- Few have truly stuck
by me through thick and
PIG- I'VE ALWAYS REMAINED
LOYAL. EVEN AFTER DEAN
JLL- How's that?
PIG- I'VE SEEN "THE NUTTY
PROFESSOR" EIGHT TIMES!
JLL- Nutty? What EXACTLY
are you on about boy!?
Watch. yourself now -
Straighten up! Drink
PIG- BUT JERRY, YOU'VE
BEEN AROUND TWENTY-FIVE
PIG- THAT'S ALOT OF
JLL- (laughter) Thafes
alot of wives!
PIG- YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED
ABOUT HALF-A-DOZEN TIMES-
JLL- But who's countin'.
PIG- ...YOU'VE LOST TWO
OF YOUR SONS TO SENSELESS
JLL- Our Almighty Creator
works in some mighty
PIG- . . .YOU SHOT YOUR
BASS PLAYER ONCE-
JLL- They don't call me
"The Killer" for nothin 1 !
PIG- YOU EVEN TRIED TO
SHOOT ELVIS ONCE.
JLL- (defensively) I DID?
(pause) Oh yeah, maybe I
did. Well, someone had to
try to put that sumbitch
outta his misery...
PIG- BUT STILL, YOU AND
YOUR PUMPIN' PIANO ROLL
ON. HOW? WHAT KEEPS YOU
GOING? THE MONEY? THE
DRUGS? THE WOMEN? OR
SIMPLY A LUST FOR LIFE?
JLL- Let me address them
items one by one: Money?
Yeah, I can use it.
Drugs? Hell no! I smoked
a joint once, and I
started singin' like
Johnny Cash. Then all of
a sudden I sounded like
Kitty Wells! ahh, but
WOMEN- that's another
story boy, There ain't
nothin' finer in this
whole damn world than the
love of a good woman. But as for your
question, I love'em and leave'em. Or they
leave me. "A whorish woman leads a man as
an ox to slaughter". But, that "lust for
life" you spoke of - besides being a -darn
good title for an album, let me just jot
that one down- I guess you could say-
yean, Lust. Lust for that great seductive
Black 1 Nothing.
JLL- Yessir- Now, I ain't talkin' about
orgasm as PETIT MORT, or even the
ulation of the hanged man. Hell,
's about as meaningful as a can of
and beans! I'm talkin' about what
through your mind when you've been
ing for maybe a couple of days, and
ize that you're still fucking,,
use your lustin' after something
nd flesh... BEYOND rock'n'roll,
re lustin after that onrushing, that
emely seductive Black Nothing.
I'm talkin 1 about what runs through your mind when
you've had so many drinks and so many pills that you start .
to get aroused in a very Spiritual sort of way; in how many
drinks and pills it'll take you to get to the very edge of
that elusive Black Nothing. I ain't sure this is exactly
what Hammer or Blackwell had in mind when the wrote me
"GREAT BALLS O'FIRE", but it sure as hell is what Jerry
Lee's got in HIS mind when he sings "Too much love drives a
PIG- ONE LAST QUESTION BEFORE I'VE GOT .TO CATCH THE LAST
BUS YOU'VE OFTEN SAID THAT YOU BELIEVE, FUNDAMENTALLY,
YOU'RE A GOOD CHRISTIAN SOUL, AND THAT YOU'VE TRIED TO LIVE
A DECENT, HONEST, YET FULL LIFE.
JLL- Yes, I have tried. MOST of the time, anyways
PIG- BUT AT THE SAME TIME, YOU SEEM CONVINCED THAT YOU'RE
DOOMED TO HELL FOR SINGING ROCK AND | ROLL.
erry Lee & Myra
:■:,;■. ' ■''.;H''-"-'-' : 'i&'-'.^
JLL- Now, that may smell of paradox,
but essentially, it's the one-and-only ,
God-fearin', Bible-beatin' Truth! Like
I already said:- I know where I been, I
know where I am, and-
PIG-...YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE GOING TO ROT
JLL- Y,ou took the : words right outta my
PIG- BUT WHY?? WHAT'S THE REASON FOR
NAILING YOURSELF TO A CROSS??
JLL- (Jerry looked at me... took a drag
off of his Havana, then (without
exhaling) took another swig of Old Crow
whilst blowing whiskey-stained cigar
smoke at the ceiling) Because for the
life of me, I just can't picture Jesus
Christ doin' a whole lotta shakin' .
l***** l98 \
reverend ^ d ^ *
P^','*.*-' 1 "' rf ttd. » ear - . oU r «»««>** »»"*!, fist ■>»* ,
-^W^ii^ Jt*» year ' - our concern ^ tetld B ° * mfld
„ on the *we end ot troT rv our r ^ tie desVfii-
November- d v«t o^^ tlp u B l9 h» r ^ «»*•
W 1 ue convu 1 " j i.b<- -jetttt * ,_ r . Jerry
^ etV % a ble sources bar rass^ [or . booVt
UUtns. ^^vdng P^f bet v,een ^ * otY , you £* „ • Q ^
^ssz&ssz - toe " 1 1 - - -
°" e9t "*« > w ° * .„,,„ to. «^ h '
fia ea. r * . ^ho l° v
an o! God. oajj*-
a. a a m atv " v repr° ac
HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTS.
JerrM Lee and Nora's
J Wedding pic
Umm, Hi. I am
No-One. That sounds kinda
odd, but it's the truth.
"'Doubly Doubly Doubly',
she said thricely ",
nonsense. How can "No-one"
be "Some-one"? Good
question. I might have been
a little more substantial
at one time, but if I was I
don't remember... Actually,
being No-one has its
advantages, but there's one
BIG disadvantage: Lack of
Miss. No-one, you know,
"Some-one" to do things
with. I know, I know, I'm
looking for a non-existent
girl. I'll find her so I
don't worry, though it's
amazing how many girls love
ME. But some good that"
does: they don't even know
I exist! Well, in the
meantime, I've started to
commit my thoughts to PIG
PAPER, and hope that
"some-one" can/will read
them before the ink fades.
you ask. Jeepers- they
ALMOST offset the lack of
anyone to do them with!
Actually, if you want to
know what kinds of things I
can do that "some-one"
can't, just ask yourself
what kinda things "no-one"
can do (ie: fly, ride my
bike to Hollywood, be in
two places at once when I'm
not anywhere at all...). As
a matter of fact, I'm
watching you read this, but
of course you dont
see-feel-hear-smell me. But
it IS nice to know that /
"Some-one" (namely you)
Mostly I like to go
see bands and stuff, but
it's hard to find good ones
around here. There are a
few, but I'll devote more
time to those later.... As
for current music
everywhere else, I've
always liked The JAM, Keith
West, and the'
(who just broke up, but you
can still get tapes). I
used to like Tenpole Tudor,
but my mind changes like
listens to KPFK 90.7
(Midnight, Mon-Thrs), "Hour
25" (10:00 pm, Fri), >
"Maximum Rock and Roll"
(Midnight, Sat), "Club 907"
(1:00 am, Sat), "2 O'clock
Rock" (Sat) with Andrea
'Enthal (Who SHOULD be ,
program director) and
AND: No-one drinks
CLUNY. "Touch not the cat
bot a glove". God Good and
Night Bless. /
"Go to sleep with Yesterday,
and wake up with Hey Jade"
THE AMAZING r—\
BEATLEMANIA J J
MUSICAL 6-WAY /
MHGfT READOUT: HOUR. MNHTTE
ggS^ SECOND MONTH. DAY AM) DATE.
Ssir"' wju musical alarm, nus
KSr-""! nopwra accuracy to n»
SEC NttSHT UGHT.TOO
■wfT-Mtt OGVBEATLE WATCH
SBiMMltt iu Em 32rt Smmi Mm «*» NT laoi*
This issue, meet and greet
perky yet purt, petite and
endearing BELINDA JOHNSTON,
the lilting lass behind the
roving PIG lens. A second-year
Monkees major at Go/denwest
College, "B.J." (as she's
affectionately known 'round
PIG Productions] likes
scuba-diving, cuppacino late
at night by a warm TV, Lindsey
Buckingham, and "the sauce on
In-and-Out cheeseburgers" . And
speaking of tasty treats,
that's just what it's like
sharing a sty with the
appetizing Ms. Johnston.
We know you'll agree
that with the likes of 'Linda
behind the lens, you don y t
have to be told twice to
"Watch the Birdie"/
gggg guardian js BANGS siHiu
PIG PAP HJBH
847395 SINRM GJ
MSG.37 JAN 03/82
DATELINE: LONDON.... ENGLANDWS CBY WAY OF MARTIN AND THE
E-CHORDS) NEWEST HITMAKERS THE BARRACUDAS WAXING UP FOR AN
AMERICAN TOUR WITH KNOTT'S OWN SURF CITY BOYS. -AND IF
SCREAMING LORD SUTCH WON'T ROADIE FOR US MAYBE JAN BERRY
WILL!" ENTHUSED CHIEF 'CUDA JEREMY "STUPID SONGS" GLUCK
...ONE-TIME HIGH PRIESTESS OF THE CARNABETIAN ARMY, TWIGGY*
CURRENTLY MAKING A SPLASH THROUGHOUT HER CHELSEA DIGS IN
CELEBRATION OF HER ENGAGEMENT TO BLANK NEW YORKER RICHARD HELL
AND SPEAKING OF COZY TETE-A-TETE *S, WHAT ANCIENT MOD/
POP STAR WITH AN AFFINATY FOR HIENZ BAKED BEANS HAS BEEN
SEEN HOLDING HANDS WITH THEE PRINCE CH ARMIN GOF THE PNU
ROMANTICS?? At SEE PIG PAPER 15!.. •• DICK BEECHUM* HEAD OF
A&R FOR UP AND COMING LOCAL INDIE LABLE "EEL PIE"* DENIES
ALL RUMORS HIS LATEST SIGNINGS INCLUDE MARYLAND'S "HALF JAPEN-
ESE" AND A REFORMED "GERRY AND THE PACEMAKERS". PRESSURE
FROM A FIERCLY JEALOUS HEAD EEL "BIJOU DRAINS" PERHAPS HAD SOME
SOME BEARINGS ON DICK'S DECISIONS?? OR IS HE JUST PLAYING
IT SMOGGO TIL THUNDERCLAP NEWMAN'S CONTRACT COMES UP FOR GRABS?
DATELINE: AUSTRALIA.... 'ELLO ! ! MY NAME IS BUBBLES
- I 'AM A MODEL FROM NEWPORT BEACH WHO SPENDS CALIFORNIAS
RAIN* SEASONS IN MELBOURNE* AND HERE'S WHAT'S UP DOWN UNDER
.... RADIO BIRDMAN HAVE DISBANDED AGAIN AFTER BEING DROPPED
FROM SIRE RECORDS FOR THE THIRD TIME. .. . FELLOW SIRE CASUAL-
TIES* THE "KNOW YOUR PRODUCT" SAINTS* ARE ALIVE AND WELL*
CURRENTLY TOURING PHELLIPINO U.S. NAVAL BASES WITH VETERAN
AUSSIE-ROCKERS THE EASYBEATS . "HELLO TO ALL OUR PIG PALS*
WHO WE APOLOGIZE TO FOR NOT WRITING
CHRIS BAILEY TOLD ME TO TELL YOU....
A FRENZIED ORIENTAL SWING* EX-MONKEE
"NEW MONKS"CCUTE) STOPPED OFF FOR A
VACATION IN SYDNEY. MANAGER CHRIS BAY
SOONER" LEAD SAINT
EN ROUTE HOME FROM
PETER TORK AND HIS '
S ANDSURF 'N 'SALT-AI R
INSISTED THAT HIS CLIENT IS MOST DEFINITELEY NOT< !)
INTERESTED IN REUNITING WITH MICKY* DAVID OR EVEN LIQUID
PAPER HEIR MIKE. "NOT UNLESS WE CAN ARRANGE ANOTHER TOUR
WITH JIMI HENDRIX- AT LEAST"... GOOD TO SEE GREG P-SHAW AND
HIS BOMP STILL EXTANT.. THAT'S ALL FOR NOW FROM BUBBLY
LIL' ME CSORRY NO ACCENT THIS COLUMN- IT'S NOT SATURDAY)....
DATELINE: TORONTO.... CAPT. JAMES SENSIBLE HERE. UNFORTUNAT-
LY. ALL CLUBS CLOSED. ALL BANDS GONE- EVEN THE MUCH RUMORED
SIMPLY SAUCER REUNION/BEUFIT TURNED OUT TO BE NOTHING
BUT A CRUEL HOAX. NO WONDER GARY TOPP IS SPENDING HIS WEEK-
ENDS IN PARIS! THAT'S ALL NOW FOREVER....
DATELINE: VINNY COAST HIGHWAY.... WHELP* HERE I AM AGAIN ON
THE PI GOSSIP BEAT UP AND DOWN THE VCH. AS USUAL* I'M IN
THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE BIGHT TIME - PUTTIN* AROUND HUNTINGTON
BEACH PIER OUTSIDE THAT G I NCHY LITTLE JOINT NAMED MAXWELL'S.
WHILE SITTING OUT A RED LIGHT* I SPOT THAT BLOKE WITH THE
BLACK-RATS-NEST AND THAT WHITE-OUT TAN. YOU KNOW-
RODNEY! HE HAD JUST ARRIVED. WITH A SWEET LITTLE BIRD* EITHER
13 OR 31* WHO WAS* OHHH BABY* WORTH FLYING AWAY WITH! AS I
SWINGS MY DESODA AROUND FOR A SECOND LOOK* I SUDDENLY NOTICED
THIS SOUL MAN BOPPIN' ROUND ON ROLLER SKATES RAGGIN' DICK
DALE STYLE ON A WHITE STRAT THROUGH A PIGMEE PORT A- AMP.
WHILE I WAS WAITING FOR ROD SERLING TO ENTER STAGE RIGHT*
THIS VENICE BOARDWALK-REJECT PSEUDO-HENDRIX STARTS
'ENCIRCLIN* ROD (B. * NOT SERLING) AND HIS JAILBAIT SINGING
"LEADER OF THE PACK". PRETTY SOON* ROLLER-MAN HAD THE WHOLE
CROWD SHANGRI -LA-LA *ING ALONG C CATCHY TUNE THAT!)* BUT NO
SOONER HAD WE LAUNCHED INTO THE THIRD VERSE* WHEN OUR
LEADER* SKATES AND ALL* HOPS INTO RODNEY'S STILL- IDLING
STUDEBAKER < '56) AND GUNS AWAY WITH IT! OUR DEJECTED DJ
HERO'S JAW NOW DROPS TO THE PAVEMENT AS HIS DOLLY -BIRD UPS
LEAVES WITH THE CLOSEST SURFER JOE. I THEN DECIDES TO
BREAK MY UNDERCOVER TO ASK R.B. WHY THE TEARS. " 'COZ MY
OLD MAN'S REALLY GONNA GIVE ME THE AIR FOR GETTING HIS CAR
SWIPED!" MAXWELL'S CLOSES FOR THE NIGHT* AS I TOSS RODNEY
MY OCTD BUS SCHEDULE* AND HEAD BACK DOWN VCH IN SEARCH OF...*
... TIL THEN* I REMIND YOU TO KEEP TO THE OUTSIDE LANE*
AND MAYBE I'LL BE SEEIN' YOU IN PIG PAPER 15!
In which We play recordings for anybody we can
get to listen, Don't tell them what they're hearing,
Tape what they say, and Let You Read It !
THIS ISSUE WE SPIN WAX FOR "FLATDISK NEWSLETTER" STARLET
STEPHANIE FOWLEY (Kim f s Dotter).
recorder:) Is that thing
C'mon- I f ve asked you not to call me
Sorry cuddles... better?
(giggles) Will do... (pointing at my
PIG- (affirmative nod)
Then turn it off for a bit.
(affirmative nod) (click)
A BIT LATER
Okay. Spin 'em!
(affirmative nod) (plays "RAVE ON" By THE REAL KIDS -- NOT The
S.F- Have you got this album on 45 or
33?... This sounds like Buddy Holly on
dozen Dramamines and the Crickets on
speed, but I know it's The Real Kids
so. .. OFF IT!
PIG- Sorry cheekie. Gives us a kiss
while we pop another platter. (Next up,
for a change of pace: "ABOMINABLE
SNOWMAN IN THE MARKET" By JOHNATHAN
S.F- Who's this? The Modern Loved Ones?
PIG- No, but maybe this is! (HERMAN'S
HERMITS play: "THE GEORGE AND DRAGON")
S.F- I heard this one over at Mike
McDowell's the other day. Boy. was I
blitzed! Whatever happened to Peter
PIG- (trembling) He was a big man
yesterday, but boy you oughta should see
him now! Anyways, here's a hint on the
next one: "cellophane swans", (inserts
cassette of DEPECHE MODE doing "LOCKED
UP IN A DEAD LETTER
S.F- ... Have these
Gene Krupa Story" ?
PIG- Who's she?
S.F- Never mind...
button:) Turn that
(pointing at my play
off for a minute,
PIG- (affirmative nod) (click)
PIG- C'mon, first gimme a
chance to put this on...
("CEASE TO RESIST" By THE BEACH
S.F- I like that line! what is
"Submission is your gift -
it to your lover".
Oh! that reminds me- Did
see Manson on the "Tomorrow
PIG- Did you ever review a
record without asking a
PIG- There! You did it again!
PIG- Omigod... (I cue up
"TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE A MERRY
CHRISTMAS" By FRANKIE (Avalon)
and ANNETTE (Funicello))
S.F- This one sounds like a
Loved Ones/Moteens duet!
PIG- .... C'mon, let go
(skirmish). I said LET GO! I
gotta put on another tape
("SPINOUT" By THE DISCHORDS -
And NOT a remake of Elvis 1 )
S.F- Where'd you get this?
PIG- I used to live at Harris
S.F- How much you want for it?
PIG- Snookums baby ( sic -ED ) ,
The Tapes As Good As Yours.
Just stop asking so many
F***** g QUESTIONS! and listen
to... (THE SAN FRANSISCO GODS'
S.F- Is thisThe Soft Boys?
PIG- You asked a another
question! Once more and I keep
the Tape... (the next offering
is "WADING THROUGH THE
VENTILATOR" By THE SOFT BOYS)
S.F- Is this The San Fransisco
Gods? (giggle) Or just simple
minded Furs on MDA?,
PIG- Okay- THAT'S IT. GIMME
BACK THAT TAPE! (tussle)
(click) (gnaw) (nuzzle)
(click)... alright, alright,
the tape's yours....
S.F- But do we HAVE to play
PIG- Just one more, honeykins
("DANCE WITH ME" By TSOL)
S.F- (snidley:) Great- all the
world needs in another girl
group... Now will you turn that
thing off and LEAVE IT OFF?
PIG- YOU ASKED ANOTHER-
• Can You Tell Right from
© Enduring After a Tragic
• Parents, Reach Your
If you rant your
(a) RAVED about and/or (b)
shot down in flames, send
them Today to PIG ( P.O.
Box 2700, Huntington
Beach, California 92647)
BORED? Send a dollar to
Steven Tappen, 5348 Appain
Way. Long Beach, Ca.
BE THE FIRST ON YOUR BLOCK
THE LOVED ONES FUN CLUB!
Send your Name and Address
to "The Loved Ones",
16783 Beach Boulevard,
Huntington Beach, Ca.
Carpet and Upholstery
Satisfaction is Our
Guarantee. Commercial -
Residential - Vacant
Janitorial Services. Phone
"Uncle Steve" for Free
Estimate. (714) 840-4487
REALLY BORED?? Run Your
Own CLASSIFIFD AD! Just
Write It, Dump It in a
shoebox with all your cash
and mail it to PIG
CLASSIFIEDS care of P.O.B.
2700, Huntington Beach, Ca
"Lonely Boy" : met you at
Petty concert. Lost your
number. PLEASE CALL! luv,
HEY! THERE'S MDRE WHERE
THIS CAME FROM! Why not
Get It (and LOTS more! ) by
Subscribing To THE PIG
PAPER! It's the Only
logical solution. And it's
Practical too! Send $5 for
a Year's worth of PIG
Products to PIG
PRODUCTIONS (P.O.Box 2700,
Hun- well, you should know
the rest by now...)
If you enj
vsn ">. p=>i"!-m V:*o 'i >P o r usi,:
oy THE PIG
re sure to
P.O. Box 363,
• O 25
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JM TIME BOMB WITH THE FOUR TEAR OLD
UER HAIR? '
yum ag» Jeny Lee Lewis
Ids fint ewr visit to
tnm cot "bort,
iMMUNnrr Lee *" and
V*^ „, who plays
v cafied the Rebel
•tea* and began
Bfee Jerry Lee
way. Jerry Lee
#» peatetf thing that's
poison the left
noxt door to Taylor*
Mr. Jerry Leo Levi*
£ K*y Martin
1220 Sfeftkeepeore avocrio
Brooklyn 52, Mow York
Boor Jorry Loo:
GOES WILD ^ONSTAGEW
. ver y « s VSickV **SV* Jfi coolud.
SSI "•? trcle^a" *■—*
me » reputation as a >»" ' , were
i nnlv «i* *°?\l food they att
m ore careful about th. f^., te e o
au" « hen £y P over-*e-coun.er t
• n 8 roadside cafes
Joot o short note to tboak you for the Chrlstao*
Here* • hoeiag tho How Toor oill brio* yoo and yowro
JERRY LEE S
S,m Philips' Million Dollar Quartet-left to right are Jerry Lee Lewis^Carl Perkln^vis ^ley (at theJno), and Johnny Casiq
►iirio troojfoy /